Boy have Luna Rovers come a long way since i was a boy!!
Here is Chinas latest go rover Go

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I was talking to my mum last night, and happened to mention Hannah’s 16th Birthday this year, ” it will be the first of your grandchildren to become an adult”

It was not till afterwards i realised what a Rubicon i had crossed in my own life.  Hannah is becoming a young woman, and i have to let go, i do miss that little girl who has always shown me so much love, but i have a daughter who still shows me love and affection but is starting to make her own way in the world.  i know my support will always be there, and my love is unconditional, and at times the fear i feel about the choices she makes is real but for her my role has changed, and as she makes her way in this world i can only become a shadow in her life, real and concrete when she needs help and support, but at other times ethereal and insubstantial, good luck Hannah, Dads very proud of you

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Just watched the newsnight programme, talking to Guido Fawks, you will find a link in my Blogroll, it raises some interesting thoughts on the place of professional blogging

I am just looking at Nick Robinson’s blog on the BBc Site at the post for the 28th of March, an interesting piece, just remains to ponder the point that all media reporting has a spin,

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Just looking at the Family:Fairer Laws for… run by the conservative party think tank families need Fathers are obviously there doing what they do best and keeping the historical context alive, and lots of Dads who have been cut off from their kids.

I must admit i feel uncomfortable with some of the rhetoric, My Ex is not fair, and she is not all above board, but she is a human being, i get frustrated and i get angry, and sometimes childish, but she is still a human being and shouting and screaming only damages my children, those i love the most.

Over the last 7 years i have tried time and time again to find a way to talk, one of my earlier posts reflects this,and how unfair and one sided the whole process is or can be, a huge amount of power is left in the hands of the women in a break up when children are involved, and this is blatantly unfair.  I do agree the legal system, CAFCAS, CSA, Government have all contributed to this problem and supported one half of society over the other, i am lucky, i had and borrowed the cash to fight my corner, with some fantastic support from my solicitor who always seemed to be able to find a middle way when me and the ex banged heads, but i was lucky, i know Dads who don’t have this support or the cash to be able to fight their corner, and this is when the law and the government should be a support, not just for the Dads but for the kids, they do need their Dads, we are not replaceable by a good DVD or another dad…..

Political party’s trying to be trendy is not the answer, many of the questions they are asking already have good answers or suggestions from preassure groups like FNF, who to be fair are fairly even handed, what are the politicians frightened of, looking like they may actualy do something constructive?

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When i emailed David Cameron about his speech I must admit i did not expect a reply, well i got one, well not from David but from  a conservitive party body, here is the reply

“Thank you for emailing David Cameron – I am replying on his behalf.

Thank you for taking the trouble to write following David Cameron’s recent speech on children. Thank you for highlighting your own situation, we do appreciate you letting us know, and we realise that most fathers who are separated from their child’s mother do an important job and often have to wrestle with a system that seems to be against them. David completely agrees that this needs to be looked at very carefully and is something our Social Justice Policy Group are actively reviewing.

As David said in his recent speech, we want to see as many children as possible looked after by both parents. When parents separate, it is important that fathers are not cut out of their children’s upbringing and we understand that more work is needed to redress the balance.

- as I say this matter is being looked at by the Social Justice policy group and their full details are on this website;

http://povertydebate.typepad.com

Thank you again for taking the trouble to write.”
Fairly standard reply, designed to get me to engage with the conservatives,  but i now know there is life in London, my own MP nothing, not a saussage, NADA, and he got an email with questions in.

Still the debate will rage on “The Fairer Law for Fathers ” is interesting but what is this party thinking of doing, divorce and separation is painful, and Laws are only sanctions they are not tools to support but blunt instruments of last resourt.  The legal paperwork for divorce allowed my X to claim that i would have unrestricted access to my children, then when all was well and done i had to fight for it.  It would have been much better to have had to work out a contact pattern before decree absolute and have rules (and yes Laws) in place to properly enforce this.

Alan Johnson, speaking to “Relate” today, and picking up the snippets from the BBC news site i am now a little bit irritated. his premiss that marriage is not the only relationship for bringing up children in, i would like to consider.

What is a marriage, at its most base form it is two people committing to each other in a deep and committed relationship, rejecting that kind of relationship with anyone else forever.

Religion which is often used to define marriage does not have to have a part, I got married in Church, making those promises to God and not just family and friends mean something to me and my Wife, so that’s why we did that, if I did not believe then i would still have got married, and publicly made that commitment to my wife because the relationship, the marriage means something to me.

If this definition of marriage is then a “Publicly declared commitment to another person, a binding contract, and a turning away from all others because of this commitment” why does Alan want to not talk about marriage. What should we hope for to create the right kind of environment to bring up children, what are the minimum a child should have, they all have two parents, some die, some disappear, and some remain where they are in the relationship they started in.

Rather than have a go a marriage with i suspect a very narrow definition that he would defend on the grounds of not everyone is religious, he and successive Governments should open their eyes, we are talking about a public commitment, one of the foundation stones of civil society, and it has been around for a long time, what could the alternative be, a commitment while it works, a commitment as long as it suits me, a commitment until i don’t fancy you? no sensible person would see these a stable or solid enough to build a civilisation on, so why not call a spade a spade and talk about marriage as a binding committed relationship, publicly acknowledged and celebrated.

It could even be good for the treasury, it would certainly be good for Children

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saw david Cameron talking about absent fathers how i hate that phrase, i am not absent, i just dont live with my kids, i see them every other weekend, we email, talk on the phone, so i am not absent, here is what i wrote to my MP

“

I have seen last nigh David Cameron’s statements on Fathers responsibilities, and read again today about the same.

I am a divorced Dad, and proud to still be in regular contact with my kids, I could not imagine not being their Dad, I would do anything I can for them and I am proud of them that they have allowed me to have this relationship with them is one of the most special things in my life.  I think the figure is only 5 – 10% of fathers keep in regular contact with their children after separation or divorce.  So there is strong support in my mind for this kind of stance.

What I would like to say is that keeping in touch is not easy, over the past 7 years (Since divorce) every step has been a up hill struggle, and the power has rarely been in my hands. I did not seek divorce, my ex had two affairs with other men the last one my best friend, which even after I had found out she refused to stop seeing him. I did not ask for custody because it was not right, I was an emotional wreck, and facing redundancy, the kids needed a stable home and to remain in the house they had grown up in, and yes they needed a mom,  as a human being my ex is a good mom but to have any involvement with the kids relies often on her opinion or whims.

Contact

I have had to arrange mediation 3 or 4 times just to get continuing and meaningful contact with my two kids.  The problems have ranged from the trivial to the very serious.  This process cost me for a solicitor then on average £80 per session (usually 5 to 10 sessions to work out an agreement) then often as happened the last time my ex refuses to sign and the whole process is null and void.  My ex does not work (she does but has never been caught) so she has legal aid for the solicitor, and legal aid for the mediation.  Most of the time she is happy to sit there not engaging and just making demands.  I must at this point say I think mediation is great, and a much underrated service.  So I fork out 2 or 3 hundred pounds and get nothing, or the smallest concession.  As long as I am still able to see my two that’s fine.

Legal action

I have never thought this was appropriate.  I know I have rights, and I can assert those but the down side is the children will be affected aversely seeing Mom and Dad taking each other to court.  secondly I cant afford it knowing that my opponent will have legal aid, another avenue closed to me.

Communication

My ex refuses to send any inform about the children to me, and has for the past two years refused to talk on the phone.  No don’t get me wrong this in the end has worked in my advantage because I deal directly with my two kids who are 12 and 15, but if this had happened when they were 10 and 7 I would have not had any way to force the issue, court action would have been my final recourse and I have never had the money to work that way.

I could go on about schools, I am still having problems with the secondary school over information on my son and they only do the bare minimum to help with information about my daughter.  I guess what I am trying to say is don’t just run Dads down, it is hard work using the tools we have to keep in contact and most of those are skewed against us, the CSA could become a further rant, even though they have been told my ex is working and where she works they have never done anything about it, yet one day into a new job for me and I got threats that I was trying to duck the system (I have paid everything asked through the CSA since they got involved after separation, and before they got involved I paid an agreed amount every week).  I digress, level the playing field, Motherhood is not a saintly profession, give Dads the means to keep in contact and give Mothers obligations as well, then those that do duck there responsibilities will be the ones you need to chase.  Change the benefit system, both my children are in full time education, my ex should work, I am sure you would agree that no one should have the right of a free ride, I can not support her life style much longer, and my kids grow up believing that you don’t have to work to earn a living, because the state or Dad through the state will pay.

Divorce is a terrible thing, I do believe you get married for life, and even when things are bad you work at it, kids are a blessing, you don’t own them, you are there to love and support them, they go their own way in the end, hopefully not before 18.  But when things do go tragically wrong, and there is no option but divorce give Dads the ability and the means to keep seeing their kids, and give us some credit, I get mortally upset hearing about dads who abandon their kids, because often it is the sound bite that matters not the people.”

I am no against Dear old David but i do think these generalised titles, like “Absent Parent”, “Parent Without Care” that is from the CSa, Feckless Fathers are dangerous generalisations which dont apply to the vast majority of saturday Dads (another title) , if we want to support kids and build loving families for them to grow up in with good role modles lets support Dads as well as moms, and start looking on supporting inderviduals rather than further alinating the 5 – 10% of Dads who work hard to keep in contact and love there children

Frank was my Grandmothers youngest Brother, family history had it that he had died in Malta early 1941, his brother serving in the same regiment was the one who whilst on leave broke the news of Franks Death. it had a profound affect on Nan, and though she always wanted to visit Franks grave she never had the opportunity, so i guess this is a virtual visit by me to say thanks Frank,the freedoms i have were because of what you lost in those dark days of 1941.

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